Saturday, September 26, 2009

Save This Family. Name This Cat.

Presenting our Replacement Kitty:


She's a miniature of the late, great Tova. Same breed (Birman), same markings (blue eyes, gray points & professorial patches on her hind legs) same delightful disposition (lovey-dovey). If anything, she's even more affectionate than Tova was, lolling about on our laps and napping on Penny's shoulders during the day. We all fell in love immediately.


BUT. It's been two weeks, and we have yet to arrive at a name. Leave it to two writers and a verbally agile child to bollox up the naming process to the point where we all hate each other. We're sick to death of suggesting names and having the other two family members snarl, "No, I hate that, I hate you, and you're making me hate the cat. I hate all cats now. All animals. I hate Nature, the Universe, the fabled singularity. I hate God. But mostly, I hate you." You could probably set that to The Beatles' "I Want You," from the newly remastered Abbey Road," which I'd much rather be blogging about, to tell you the truth.

Penny came up with the best name: Kish. It means pillow in Yiddish, offering a cute diminutive, Kishela. Come here, little pillow. Wait, you're already behind my neck, like a good little Kish?


No wonder it's the perfect name. Jonah and I have been calling her Kish, Kishy, and Kishycat for days, but Penny has decided she hates it. She's around the cat more than any of us. She tried the name, and it just didn't work. Doesn't roll off the tongue or something. Here, let me strangle you so I can see that tongue, try to figure out the problem...

Update: To punish me for posting this, the darling spousette looked up Kish in the Urban Dictionary. It means, "A very swollen vagina." Seriously. I'm not Will Ferrelling you on this. A couple of other meanings, too--a latent homosexual, a warning that someone's coming, e.g., "Kish! Stash the weed! It's my mom!"

What other names are contending? The current top 10::

Ava
Edie
Cali
(from Jonah's day 1 remark, "She smells like calamari.")
Pie
Simone
Mimi
Gia
Jess
Tess
Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom


Of those, Pen likes Ava, I like Edie or Pie or Cali, and Jonah hates everything but Kish. I actually know a family who let their young son name a cat, and ended up with the last entry above. Everybody called the cat Indy, except for little Nicholas, who insisted on, "Come here, Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom! Get down from there, Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom! Mom, Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom just coughed up something black!"

We could do worse. Go on long enough with naming, and some wretched things start to sound reasonable. Penny, at wits' end, keeps saying things like, "How about Pebbles?" or "I know--Talullah!" and I keep giving her looks like, "No, Wilma" and "I hate you AND Demi Moore."

Our marriage is in tatters. Our son is ready to be adopted by other, better parents. Please. Save us. Name this cat.



Update: As of New Year's Day, the cat's name is Tavi. Best little kitty we ever had. And that's going some.

11 comments:

Alicia A. said...

All I can say is Penny looks like a teenager in that photo. Damn her and her adorableness.

Good luck with the name, but it sounds to me like Kish might take.

kcimprovgeek said...

I think Kishela is the most adorable thing ever.

And who cares that it's the same as "swollen vagi.."

Hey. How 'bout Labia?

Kellybelle said...

peaches--after me!!!

carol.kobza said...

Tried to post these on Saturday! Let's see if I can remember - Calypso, Moon Pie, Coconut, Kissela, and one other really fabulous name I can't remember now.

Wordy McGee said...

Nina (pronounced NINE-ah), Simone, Miri (short for Miriam), Madeline

scotland said...

This predicament, as sorry as I am for your lack of consensus, sent my mind wandering over many memories,bits of knowledge,pieces of my life all inter connected by the subject of Cats.
Except for the hidden parts of their journeys and the unique sensibilities of each,I had the pleasure of knowing the entire lifetimes of 3 of these creatures. Mark Twain's sentiment that cats surely share a similar spark of sentience, observed when he looked into their eyes, has become my feeling as well.
We didn't have the same problem naming them. They were Siamese Blue Points, and for some un substantiated esoteric reason, a reason not even entirely understood by breeders, names for this particular line should be chosen from characters in Gilbert and Sullivan's operetta the Mikado.

Funny, after deleting a paragraph and mentally erasing much of an epistle, I'll cut to the quick and say, order, suggest, that you name your new feline
Stinkybutt...because at 5:55am. on a Saturday morning when the sweet little thing sits on your face and claw paws your chest, that's exactly the end of her you'll be seeing as you try and pry your eyelids open. Think what guests will say when they inquire the name of your cat.

scotland said...

This predicament, as sorry as I am for your lack of consensus, sent my mind wandering over many memories,bits of knowledge,pieces of my life all inter connected by the subject of Cats.
Except for the hidden parts of their journeys and the unique sensibilities of each,I had the pleasure of knowing the entire lifetimes of 3 of these creatures. Mark Twain's sentiment that cats surely share a similar spark of sentience, observed when he looked into their eyes, has become my feeling as well.
We didn't have the same problem naming them. They were Siamese Blue Points, and for some un substantiated esoteric reason, a reason not even entirely understood by breeders, names for this particular line should be chosen from characters in Gilbert and Sullivan's operetta the Mikado.

Funny, after deleting a paragraph and mentally erasing much of an epistle, I'll cut to the quick and say, order, suggest, that you name your new feline
Stinkybutt...because at 5:55am. on a Saturday morning when the sweet little thing sits on your face and claw paws your chest, that's exactly the end of her you'll be seeing as you try and pry your eyelids open. Think what guests will say when they inquire the name of your cat.

kcimprovgeek said...

WELL!?!?!?!?

Is the cat named? Are you still married? Is Jonah still allowed to live at your house? (Because there's a place with no rules he'd be welcome to crash if he needs to.)

Jasph said...

Peaches and Labia are both fine names, and Stinkybutt, though too literal--some early intestinal glitches are still being worked out--might perhaps contend in another household.

Pen finally put her wee foot down and said, "We're calling her Gia." After a few days of that, she picked her foot up and said, "I hate calling her Gia. It doesn't seem to fit."

Jonah keeps calling her Kish. I've tried to be a sport and call her Gia, but only when I forget to lapse into a sullen silence. So far, the cat hasn't noticed that She's Tearing Us Apart.

Jasph said...

OK, folks, as of last night, it's Tashi.

There's some legend about Birman cats carrying the souls of Tibetan monks. Tashi means "good fortune" in Tibetan. So Penny says.

I don't dare check Urban Dictionary.

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