Friday, February 09, 2007
Ted Haggard, Back On Top
So, three weeks of "intensive counseling" and Ted Haggard is as straight as Mike Jones's beeline from hotel room to bank. Freud works in mysterious ways.
You gotta wonder what kind of therapy Ted received. Could he possibly have ventured outside the fundy paradigm for some bona fide psychoanalysis? Did he ever get anywhere near the unconscious? Oh, who am I kidding...
But how might various therapeutic schools approach Ted's particular issues?
Freudian: So the only image you recall from the dream is of you and your friend Mike bowling by the Washington Monument?
Jungian: It's your mandala, Ted. You can draw it however you want. I'm just saying you've got pens and crayons here -- why not zip up your pants?
Gestalt: Of course, you're upset. That's a lot of meth to misplace. What? The ball-muzzle makes it hard to understand you...
Reichian: Breathe, Ted. Breathe. Now, talk to the empty chair. Yell at the chair. Give the chair all your anger... Ted, stop humping the chair.
Cognitive/Behaviorist: Uh, Mr. Haggard, we know you have the money. Why won't you pay your bill?
Pastoral counseling: Praise the Lord, you're cured! Just try to avoid any scripture with a rod or staff in it. And the Song of Solomon, of course. You know how you get.
Apparently, the church has suggested that Ted's healing will proceed more smoothly if he moves out of town. Ted and his wife say they may both get masters degrees in psychology. I just saw the documentary "Friends of God," in which Ted claims that the sex lives of evangelists are better than other people's, evangelical wives more satisfied, etc. Perhaps the Haggards will offer couples counseling to help others have what they have.
I looked back at my previous Ted post and found that Dan left a comment. Sorry I missed that before. Point taken on Ted's financial exploitation of his flock. I probably have less sympathy for people who fall for this kind of crap than I should. I tend to think that when a guy professes Christian piety, yet seems both hateful and insane, people should be able to see through him. But it doesn't necessarily follow that they get what they deserve for being less than perceptive.